Reborn: #1

Yellow peeps,

The courage of letting go

For some the word YOGA isn’t a new word, some also have been doing the routines and for me, it’s not a new thing – I’ve known Yoga since I was a little girl. My father introduced me to Yoga and Meditation since I was 5.¬†After years, I have to admit it benefits me spiritually, body and soul. Long story short, deep in my heart, there’s a regret that I didn’t do these routines, especialy after my father passed away. I did it on and off, more off than on. Until I came to a stage where I had nothing but this. Several years ago, an event brought me down, fell and torn into pieces. I thought I wouldn’t be able to wake up and stand up. I was devastated. I thought I needed some help but a help from people around me wasn’t the only help that I needed. I needed something deeper and bigger, something that made me feel grounded yet at the same time strengthen me.

Balasana or Child pose

My life torn into pieces after pieces, I was suffocated. I lost my confidence; my trust to people because the closest person in your life back stabbed you when you’re not completely healed from the previous wounds; also I lost my belief to the world. How could I not, after I invested my times and energy, I got ZERO in return. My mentor told me, “It’s the investment that you did that hurt you so badly. Never invest anything 100% to others, but yourself. One day, it’s only you!”. I refused to admit it. I felt there’s nothing wrong with my investment or the person I invested into. Took me months to brave enough, acknowledging and admitting everything were the way she said.

So, that time I tried to find something to supress my anger. I took Tai Chi, survived for a couple of weeks. The class didn’t meet my schedule. I got so depressed, everything was wrong. I experienced a sudden hysteria. I read some books on psychology, so I was aware of what I am experiencing. I searched on YouTube some videos that might help. I came across a video on reducing backpain through Yoga, I saved it before for my personal used. Then, I browsed more. I decided to start my first 10 minutes and see how it felt. I felt good, after a week I gradually able to be more calmer and emotionally more steady. I kept doing it for several weeks then month and then I am doing it regularly.

Ardha Survangasana or Half Shoulder Stand

I met this new person who’s been helping me to standup again. He encourages me to pursue my dreams; supports me with an endless love and energy. He teaches me to be independent and brave. BRAVE! Yes, that’s what I need to face the world. After 2 years doing Yoga regularly, I come to my 3rd year and I was hesitant to take a yoga retreats. Thanks him, again, for encouraging me taking this opportunity. To be honest, I was afraid attending randoms events with nobody, after considering it for a couple of weeks, I took my step. A huge step.

 

xox

to be continued…

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